"This GIRL IS ON FIRE"! I LOVE Venessa Bowers!

Below is the link for a blog written by one of the greatest women, therapists, and friends I know. I do not know where I would be today if I did not have her in my life.

Everyday she gives herself 350% to her job as a child trauma therapist. She is amazing! I have gotten the honor of working with her on several occasions and would give anything to get to work by her side again. 

Venessa Bowers doesn't just listen to her kids, she feels with them, she experiences the trauma with them, and she teaches them to cope while still learning with them.

 She walks the walk of recovery with every child she sees and no matter how emotionally drained she becomes she carries on because she is FULLY dedicated to her job and her work with children. 

This blog gives you insight into her thoughts and how she feels for not just children but everyone! 

Venessa Bowers is a WONDERFUL person and I am SO Thankful to have her in my life not only as a colleague and friend, but also as mentor! I love you Venessa!! 

http://lionessvizions.wordpress.com/2013/08/28/i-too-have-a-dream-by-venessa-bowers/#comment-383

I Too Have A Dream by Venessa Bowers

Posted August 28, 2013
Filed under: Living | Tags: I Have A Dream |

August 28, 2013 marks the 50th anniversary of the delivery of one of the most profound and enigmatic speeches delivered in this country. Of course I am referring to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s iconic “I Have a Dream” speech. In honor of this historic moment, and in response to the media call to share our dreams as he did, I too, have a dream. And while I own the fact that I am a white woman who is in no way equal to this challenge, or the use of Dr. King’s words verbatim, I offer this as a humble testament to the ways in which his words and legacy have shaped my life and consciousness.

I have a dream that one day all women, regardless of race, creed, religion, socio-economic status, and color will no longer live in fear of being raped, beaten, or emotionally abused by the men who are supposed to love them. I dream that these women will not have to choose between their very lives and living in abject poverty should they leave these men.

I dream that one day, the prowess of teachers, social workers, fire fighters, military personnel, doctors, and police officers will be valued and compensated at higher rates than the prowess of an athlete on a field or court.

I dream that one day very soon the people who are charged with protecting children will do so with vigor and resolve rather than the need to meet political ends.

I dream that no child will ever go to bed hungry again in this great nation of plenty.

I dream that one day children’s rights to live in safe, secure, and loving homes will be a goal that every American strives to ensure. That one day, a parent will make their child more important than their next drug fix.

I dream that one day, military personal and veterans will return to this great land and be supported and honored for their contributions to this nation’s well being. That they will no longer rank as the highest number of homeless people surviving in every major city in this country.

I HAVE A DREAM that one day we will no longer employ politicians but rather public servants who will ensure that the good of the nation is built on the foundation of equity for all people.

I dream that my gay and lesbian, bi-sexual, and transgendered brothers and sisters will enjoy the same benefits of living in this country that I do.

I dream that soon, very soon, and mental illness will be treated rather than stigmatized and ignored.

I dream that one day more schools will open to actually and fully educate the citizenry so that prisons can close. That the cultivation of the mind with soon trump the bondage of the body as a way of living in this country.

I too, have a dream today.

I dream that social workers like me will never again be asked to “fix” a broken child but rather to fix the broken, interlocking systems of oppression that serve to repeatedly traumatize them and perpetuate the cycles of poverty, abuse, drug addiction, violence, and hunger from which they come.
I dream that an end to war will be faster coming than the ideologies that seek to separate us from one another.

I dream that a child can walk down the street with candy in hand and not be murdered for being black.

I dream that one day, the shenanigans of the Kardasians will no longer dominate the media, but rather, that a collective social consciousness that seeks to elevate people and causes will take center stage.

I dream that very soon, the have-nots will have, and have plenty.

I dream today that 50 years from now, these issues will be resolved so that new dreams can be made. I dream that what Dr. King said on the steps of the Lincoln Monument 50 years ago will matter to the social consciousness of the people of this great nation. That they will join together in love and brother/sisterhood instead of being separated by fear of and hate for the other. My dream is that one day this will no longer be just a dream, but a reality. It’s up to us to make it so.

Bright Blessings

WHO Gave you that Right?!?!?!

Being a parent gives you certain rights (and responsibilities) in life. When you think about it there are a lot of “rights” that we as parents (fosters included) over look every day. They become so "Normal" to our everyday lives that we do not even realize that they are in fact rights that were given to us when we became parents.

For instance:

·        Parents have the right to choose the type of delivery they want to have, the doctor they take a sick child to, and hospital they want to use in case of an Emergency

·        Parents have the right to chose their child's form of education whether that be public, private, home-schooling, religious, etc

·        Parents have the right to claim their children on their taxes and get a rather sizable tax return

·        Parents get the right to chose the brand, style, size, and color of their children's clothing

·        Parents get the right to take their child to ANY religious institute, chapel, church, cathedral, or synagogal of their choosing

·        Parents have the right to enroll their child in after school activities

·        Parents have the right to chose the type of food they feed their children, whether that be vegan, vegetarian, paleo, or just plan fast food

·        Parents have the right to let their child watch whatever they approve on TV, use the computer, and have or not have a cell phone

·        Parents have the right to choice their form of discipline

I could go on with this for hours but I think you get the point. Parents have a lot of "Rights". Even as foster parents we have a “Bill of Rights” that tells us what we can and cannot do, and what the State and/or Foster Care Agency must do to protect us and the children in our home. 

All of these things are wonderful and most of them are necessary. We live in a country that allows us to make our own decisions about just about everything when it comes to raising our children. We can even choose to NOT get decease preventing vaccines for our children if we do not feel they fall within our religion. 

<<<<WELL>>>> 

Tonight I want to talk about rights parents DO NOT have! Whether they are a nuclear, gay, straight, bi-sexual, foster, respite, non traditional, or a temporary parent! Regardless of what type of parent you are, or how you became a parent, you DO NOT have the right to:

Þ     Tell a child they are stupid

Þ     Refer to a child a “the problem”

Þ     Blame the child for YOUR problems

Þ     Intentionally make that child cry, sick, or handicap

Þ     Starve you child

Þ     Beat your child

Þ     Lock your child up

Þ     Leave your child in a hot car

Þ     Sell your child for drugs

Þ     Choose a man, woman, dog, buddy, friend, lover, dealer, or drug over your child

Þ     Teach your child to hate others

Þ     Teach your child it is ok to be racist, sexist, bias

Þ     Tell your child he or she is ugly

Þ     Blame your child for their mommy or daddy’s “issues”

Þ     Tell your child you wished they were never born

ÞAND UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES, WHAT SO EVER, ARE YOU ALLOWED TO THREATEN YOUR CHILD THAT, IF THEY SPEAK OF THE ABUSE THAT YOU, YOUR LOVER, BOYFRIEND, SPOUSE, GIRLFRIEND, FRIEND, or DEALER PUT THEM THROUGH, BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN TO THEM! 

You are FIRST and FOREMOST a parent!

I do not care how much you "LOVE" someone or how concerned you are about “what will happen to them” you DO NOT HAVE THAT RIGHT!!!

• You DO NOT have the right to blame a child for being abused!

• You DO NOT have the right to tell a child, YOUR CHILD, YOUR FLESH AND BLOOD, that it is THEIR FAULT the abuse happened to them.

• You DO NOT have the right to tell them that if they talk about it, BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN TO THEM!

• You DO NOT have the right to ask your child to LIE for you, to PROTECT YOU, or to keep SECRETS from the people who exist in this world solely to PROTECT CHILDREN AND KEEP THEM SAFE!

• You DO NOT have the right to teach your child that the POLICE, DSS, DJJ, DCS, DCFS, etc are BAD!

YOU are the PARENT! THEY are the CHILD!

YOU have the RESPONSIBILITY to PROTECT them! 

This is NOT negotiable. 

This is not something you get chose whether or not you do it! 

This is not a shot that may prevent them from getting sick! 

This is a RESPONSIBILITY cast on to every individual who becomes a parent, no matter the cause or reason. 

As a parent, no matter in what capacity, YOU HAVE THE RESPONSIBILITY to ensure that they are safe, that they feel loved, and that they know that no matter what happens to them,YOU –AS THEIR PARENT, whether blood or not, will have their back! 

This is NOT negotiable. 

This does NOT work the other way around!

I am pretty sure that NO WHERE in the history books, parenting books, child development courses, or medical journals does it give parents permission to USE their children for whatever they feel appropriate.

Nowhere does it state that the 7 year old will protect the mother from all harm and sacrifice her own mental, emotional, and physical health so that the mother may continue to do drugs, drink, and engage in a relationship with the person who is abusing that child!

Nowhere does it give the parent permission to even ASK their child to lie for them!

YOU ARE THE PARENT!

No matter how you made that choice, whether through sex, adoption, foster care, taking legal custody, or volunteering, YOU made the choice to become a parent!

Many people in this world do not get that right to have biological children, however 

A PARENT IS A PARENT NO MATTER THE KIND, 

and when you make the decision to become a parent, you are committing yourself full heartedly to a child!

It becomes your RESPONSIBILITY, OBLIGATION, REQUIREMENT, and RIGHT to protect that child NO MATTER WHAT might happen to you or the person you “love”. 

If you are not willing to walk through fire for your child then you are not ready to be a parent. 

IF you are not ready or willing to put EVERY NEED of your own ASIDE to provide for your child, then you are NOT ready to be a parent!

This is NOT negotiable!

Please remember this when you make the CHOICE to become a parent!