Our Family!

Our foster family is our little piece of heaven! 

         Nic,      Katie,       Gina,    TB,   C,    Gabby

You really should train for a 5k!

Another exciting and completely crazy and exhausting thing we did was a 5k walk run for Habitat! If you cannot tell by the title, this is something we did VERY little, less then 10 miles total, to train for.

So our church, our AMAZING church that we have found and fallen in love with put on an iRun for Habitat 5k walk/run and we decided to do it as a family.

They also had a fun run for the kids which they participated in. Gina was bummed because she and I were going to do the 5k however since Gabby made her appearance late Gina could not participate and instead had to stay with Gabby at a friends house while the rest of us went.

Well the day of the race we went and picked up Little Miss and she joined us for the weekend (the visit i mentioned early). So Little Miss, C, and TB did the fun run, with some help from yours truly of course, and earned these metals! TB to this day, loves to tell people "I runned" and run she did! At the start she took off running the wrong way, so I had to chase her down (while carrying C) and turn her around, we then ran down to the end where she turned around but the track helpers and came back across the finish line! SHE LOVED IT!

Well because Gina could not do the 5K with me, and I did NOT want to do it alone, I convinced my hubby to join me! He was reluctant but said yes. Well as if doing a 5k you have not trained for was not crazy enough I decided that instead of leaving TB and C with the baby sitter that came along with us, we would take them on the 5k in the stroller! Yes, I am crazy and I am ok with that! So we send Little Miss to the Glow station, oh did i mention it was a Glow Run, where she spent the race throwing glow paint, and we went to the starting line to begin the race! 

We took off and it started out great! I felt wonderful and was so happy we were doing it as a family! Well lets just say my idea to push 50 lbs of kids plus the weight of a stroller at night on a dimly lit path, having not trained, wasn't my finest idea but my hubby is wonderful and did LOTS of the pushing! 

Well we finished in a little under an hour, which is horrible in race time, but pretty darn amazing when you haven't been training and your pushing kids that weigh over 50 lbs combine! But the great thing is the kids LOVED it, it made my hubby make comments about wanting to get back into shape, and we did it for a great cause! 

This was us crossing the finish line! 

No, my husband did NOT carry Little Miss the whole way, she jumped on him as we got to the finish line. 

It truly was an AMAZING event and the church did a GREAT JOB putting it on! We cannot wait until the run next year, although I do plan to train for that one! 

We have been SO blessed to find our church family down here! My hubby has always had issues with going to church, not that he does not beleive but rather the "ive got better things to do, Im not good with people" attitude and he has fallen in LOVE with Infinity! He WILLINGLY goes, he sings and participates, he talks withe people, and I think he looks forward to going! This past Sunday I was feeling horrible and he got the kids up, fed them breakfast, dressed them, and took them all to church by himself so I could rest! It is amazing to know that we both love attending there!

Where has the time gone!

Ok, first off I am sorry because I have been thinking about blogging the past month and have just not sat down to do it. When I finally did sit down tonight I realized it has been 2 months! Crazy! Because it seems like it was yesterday! 

Ok so LOTS and I do mean L-O-T-S has happened since September! So bare with me and I will catch you up to speed in the "not as long as it could be" version. 

Little Miss and Gina were still with us in September. Gina being 14 and expecting her first child, and Little Miss being 7 and full of love, rage, and wisdom. Well things got a little tough in September and October, Little Miss was having more tantrums then ever but luckily her grandmother had come into the picture and was helping out lots! We were spending our days going to school and work, doing homework, going to church on the weekends and preparing for little Gabby to arrive. 

On October 16th the courts ruled that Little Miss would go live with her grandmother permanently, which was a blessing from God. She is exactly where she needs to be and doing great! We've been able to stay in contact and even had her come visit for the weekend but we'll get to that story later. Little Miss moved out on the 16th and we went down to having just Gina in time for the arrival of Gabby. 

We'll as you know Gina was expecting Gabby so I had to go through the whole process of getting time off work to help her, rather teach her, to care for the baby. Well that in itself was a little nightmare, paperwork, DR visits, meetings, we did it all. But we got it all worked out and on October 11, Gina's WONDERFUL (seriously WONDERFUL) OBGYN put us both on leave for Gina to have the baby, however Gabby decided she was NOT ready to come out and decided to stay inside mommy for 2 more weeks. I think it was during these two weeks of waiting, that for some CRAZY reason, I decided to think I was bored! The house was very quiet and so I reach out to YAP about taking another placement when the baby came. I honestly think they ignored me at first, probably because they thought I was crazy! 

On October 25,  2013 Gabriella, aka Gabby, entered the world and our home!

She was 8lbs of perfect heaven and mommy Gina and her "foster grandparents" (which I do not like to be referred to as, but have learned to accept) could not have been happier. We spent just 2 nights in the hospital and then came home. 

Gabby was and is so perfect! She is an amazingly good baby, she is very quiet and she has a WONDERFUL mommy! I spent months preparing myself and our home for her arrival and I ran through every scenario in my head as far as what would happen if her mommy got overwhelmed, couldn't do it, did not want to do it, the baby had colic or something wrong, I worried WAY more then I should have but that seems to be my style. We'll once Gabby arrived and we saw what a WONDERFUL mom Gina was being and that she needed us and still needs us but does not need us to be hands on 100% of the time, I yet again became "Bored". So, the following Monday I reach out to YAP yet again and offered to take a placement. I told them I would take a single child, preferably a boy so my husband was the only guy in the house, and that I just wanted a little kid that needed love and attention but was not really "high maintenance". 

WELL after a day and a half going back and forth with them about all the kids they needed placement for and heir needs, we (and I say "we" lightly as my hubby typically leaves the decision up to me) took in TWO little ones. Two very active, very hyper, very loving, very energetic, and very special little ones. TB and C joined out home on October 29th around 6:15pm. 
As of 7:00 pm on October 29th I was officially NO LONGER BORED! 

TB is 3 years old and the cutest little girl ever! And C is the most energetic 2 yr old you will ever meet.  C is ALL BOY and loves to climb, run, jump, and scream the word "SPIIIIIDER". Gina and I have definitively had our fill of that word. 

So our days have been filled with dirt diapers, sticky fingers, washing baby bottles, toddler tantrums, sippy cups, animal crackers, milk, and taking so many photos my iPhone screamed at me tonight that I am out of storage. 

The day we met TB and C we fell in love! We wish we could keep them forever! They are 100% a handful and we have had lots of tears, time outs, and "say your sorrys" but it has been amazing. There are not enough worlds to explain how cute and loving these little two are. They love to cuddle on your lap with blankets and they love to play and read books. 

TB LOVES Gabby! Gina let her hold her for the first time tonight and she sang "close your eyes, close your eyes, go to sleep little baby" It was the CUTEST thing I have ever seen. She is so motherly at 3 years old and loves to tell brother C what to do. 

Mommy Gina is doing a FANTASTIC job as a MOMMY! She loves Gabby more then anything and has shown that even though she is a 14 year old and can get caught up in the "teen drama" she is able to put it aside and focus on her daughter. She feeds her, changes her, bathes her, and even breast fed until there were complications. There are lots of teens out there that want babies or have babies and it does not end well but she is on the right track and we are so proud of her! She is going to have an AMAZING testimony one day about everything she has been through. We keep telling her that some 30 yr olds can't handle life and she is 14, a mom, going to school, going to church, is going to graduate high school one day, and plans to complete college! She has a lot of challenges ahead of her but she has the attitude to make it! 

So that is our crazy life in a nut shell! There is SO much more to add but this blog is getting pretty long! 

Look out for updates in the future! 

"This GIRL IS ON FIRE"! I LOVE Venessa Bowers!

Below is the link for a blog written by one of the greatest women, therapists, and friends I know. I do not know where I would be today if I did not have her in my life.

Everyday she gives herself 350% to her job as a child trauma therapist. She is amazing! I have gotten the honor of working with her on several occasions and would give anything to get to work by her side again. 

Venessa Bowers doesn't just listen to her kids, she feels with them, she experiences the trauma with them, and she teaches them to cope while still learning with them.

 She walks the walk of recovery with every child she sees and no matter how emotionally drained she becomes she carries on because she is FULLY dedicated to her job and her work with children. 

This blog gives you insight into her thoughts and how she feels for not just children but everyone! 

Venessa Bowers is a WONDERFUL person and I am SO Thankful to have her in my life not only as a colleague and friend, but also as mentor! I love you Venessa!! 

http://lionessvizions.wordpress.com/2013/08/28/i-too-have-a-dream-by-venessa-bowers/#comment-383

I Too Have A Dream by Venessa Bowers

Posted August 28, 2013
Filed under: Living | Tags: I Have A Dream |

August 28, 2013 marks the 50th anniversary of the delivery of one of the most profound and enigmatic speeches delivered in this country. Of course I am referring to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s iconic “I Have a Dream” speech. In honor of this historic moment, and in response to the media call to share our dreams as he did, I too, have a dream. And while I own the fact that I am a white woman who is in no way equal to this challenge, or the use of Dr. King’s words verbatim, I offer this as a humble testament to the ways in which his words and legacy have shaped my life and consciousness.

I have a dream that one day all women, regardless of race, creed, religion, socio-economic status, and color will no longer live in fear of being raped, beaten, or emotionally abused by the men who are supposed to love them. I dream that these women will not have to choose between their very lives and living in abject poverty should they leave these men.

I dream that one day, the prowess of teachers, social workers, fire fighters, military personnel, doctors, and police officers will be valued and compensated at higher rates than the prowess of an athlete on a field or court.

I dream that one day very soon the people who are charged with protecting children will do so with vigor and resolve rather than the need to meet political ends.

I dream that no child will ever go to bed hungry again in this great nation of plenty.

I dream that one day children’s rights to live in safe, secure, and loving homes will be a goal that every American strives to ensure. That one day, a parent will make their child more important than their next drug fix.

I dream that one day, military personal and veterans will return to this great land and be supported and honored for their contributions to this nation’s well being. That they will no longer rank as the highest number of homeless people surviving in every major city in this country.

I HAVE A DREAM that one day we will no longer employ politicians but rather public servants who will ensure that the good of the nation is built on the foundation of equity for all people.

I dream that my gay and lesbian, bi-sexual, and transgendered brothers and sisters will enjoy the same benefits of living in this country that I do.

I dream that soon, very soon, and mental illness will be treated rather than stigmatized and ignored.

I dream that one day more schools will open to actually and fully educate the citizenry so that prisons can close. That the cultivation of the mind with soon trump the bondage of the body as a way of living in this country.

I too, have a dream today.

I dream that social workers like me will never again be asked to “fix” a broken child but rather to fix the broken, interlocking systems of oppression that serve to repeatedly traumatize them and perpetuate the cycles of poverty, abuse, drug addiction, violence, and hunger from which they come.
I dream that an end to war will be faster coming than the ideologies that seek to separate us from one another.

I dream that a child can walk down the street with candy in hand and not be murdered for being black.

I dream that one day, the shenanigans of the Kardasians will no longer dominate the media, but rather, that a collective social consciousness that seeks to elevate people and causes will take center stage.

I dream that very soon, the have-nots will have, and have plenty.

I dream today that 50 years from now, these issues will be resolved so that new dreams can be made. I dream that what Dr. King said on the steps of the Lincoln Monument 50 years ago will matter to the social consciousness of the people of this great nation. That they will join together in love and brother/sisterhood instead of being separated by fear of and hate for the other. My dream is that one day this will no longer be just a dream, but a reality. It’s up to us to make it so.

Bright Blessings

WHO Gave you that Right?!?!?!

Being a parent gives you certain rights (and responsibilities) in life. When you think about it there are a lot of “rights” that we as parents (fosters included) over look every day. They become so "Normal" to our everyday lives that we do not even realize that they are in fact rights that were given to us when we became parents.

For instance:

·        Parents have the right to choose the type of delivery they want to have, the doctor they take a sick child to, and hospital they want to use in case of an Emergency

·        Parents have the right to chose their child's form of education whether that be public, private, home-schooling, religious, etc

·        Parents have the right to claim their children on their taxes and get a rather sizable tax return

·        Parents get the right to chose the brand, style, size, and color of their children's clothing

·        Parents get the right to take their child to ANY religious institute, chapel, church, cathedral, or synagogal of their choosing

·        Parents have the right to enroll their child in after school activities

·        Parents have the right to chose the type of food they feed their children, whether that be vegan, vegetarian, paleo, or just plan fast food

·        Parents have the right to let their child watch whatever they approve on TV, use the computer, and have or not have a cell phone

·        Parents have the right to choice their form of discipline

I could go on with this for hours but I think you get the point. Parents have a lot of "Rights". Even as foster parents we have a “Bill of Rights” that tells us what we can and cannot do, and what the State and/or Foster Care Agency must do to protect us and the children in our home. 

All of these things are wonderful and most of them are necessary. We live in a country that allows us to make our own decisions about just about everything when it comes to raising our children. We can even choose to NOT get decease preventing vaccines for our children if we do not feel they fall within our religion. 

<<<<WELL>>>> 

Tonight I want to talk about rights parents DO NOT have! Whether they are a nuclear, gay, straight, bi-sexual, foster, respite, non traditional, or a temporary parent! Regardless of what type of parent you are, or how you became a parent, you DO NOT have the right to:

Þ     Tell a child they are stupid

Þ     Refer to a child a “the problem”

Þ     Blame the child for YOUR problems

Þ     Intentionally make that child cry, sick, or handicap

Þ     Starve you child

Þ     Beat your child

Þ     Lock your child up

Þ     Leave your child in a hot car

Þ     Sell your child for drugs

Þ     Choose a man, woman, dog, buddy, friend, lover, dealer, or drug over your child

Þ     Teach your child to hate others

Þ     Teach your child it is ok to be racist, sexist, bias

Þ     Tell your child he or she is ugly

Þ     Blame your child for their mommy or daddy’s “issues”

Þ     Tell your child you wished they were never born

ÞAND UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES, WHAT SO EVER, ARE YOU ALLOWED TO THREATEN YOUR CHILD THAT, IF THEY SPEAK OF THE ABUSE THAT YOU, YOUR LOVER, BOYFRIEND, SPOUSE, GIRLFRIEND, FRIEND, or DEALER PUT THEM THROUGH, BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN TO THEM! 

You are FIRST and FOREMOST a parent!

I do not care how much you "LOVE" someone or how concerned you are about “what will happen to them” you DO NOT HAVE THAT RIGHT!!!

• You DO NOT have the right to blame a child for being abused!

• You DO NOT have the right to tell a child, YOUR CHILD, YOUR FLESH AND BLOOD, that it is THEIR FAULT the abuse happened to them.

• You DO NOT have the right to tell them that if they talk about it, BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN TO THEM!

• You DO NOT have the right to ask your child to LIE for you, to PROTECT YOU, or to keep SECRETS from the people who exist in this world solely to PROTECT CHILDREN AND KEEP THEM SAFE!

• You DO NOT have the right to teach your child that the POLICE, DSS, DJJ, DCS, DCFS, etc are BAD!

YOU are the PARENT! THEY are the CHILD!

YOU have the RESPONSIBILITY to PROTECT them! 

This is NOT negotiable. 

This is not something you get chose whether or not you do it! 

This is not a shot that may prevent them from getting sick! 

This is a RESPONSIBILITY cast on to every individual who becomes a parent, no matter the cause or reason. 

As a parent, no matter in what capacity, YOU HAVE THE RESPONSIBILITY to ensure that they are safe, that they feel loved, and that they know that no matter what happens to them,YOU –AS THEIR PARENT, whether blood or not, will have their back! 

This is NOT negotiable. 

This does NOT work the other way around!

I am pretty sure that NO WHERE in the history books, parenting books, child development courses, or medical journals does it give parents permission to USE their children for whatever they feel appropriate.

Nowhere does it state that the 7 year old will protect the mother from all harm and sacrifice her own mental, emotional, and physical health so that the mother may continue to do drugs, drink, and engage in a relationship with the person who is abusing that child!

Nowhere does it give the parent permission to even ASK their child to lie for them!

YOU ARE THE PARENT!

No matter how you made that choice, whether through sex, adoption, foster care, taking legal custody, or volunteering, YOU made the choice to become a parent!

Many people in this world do not get that right to have biological children, however 

A PARENT IS A PARENT NO MATTER THE KIND, 

and when you make the decision to become a parent, you are committing yourself full heartedly to a child!

It becomes your RESPONSIBILITY, OBLIGATION, REQUIREMENT, and RIGHT to protect that child NO MATTER WHAT might happen to you or the person you “love”. 

If you are not willing to walk through fire for your child then you are not ready to be a parent. 

IF you are not ready or willing to put EVERY NEED of your own ASIDE to provide for your child, then you are NOT ready to be a parent!

This is NOT negotiable!

Please remember this when you make the CHOICE to become a parent!

Trauma SUCKS!

Anyone who has ever experiences any kind of trauma will tell you that it SUCKS! There is no nice way to put it!

Trauma happens from so many things both  intentionally and unintentionally, but no matter what caused the trauma it is very much real and scary to the person it is affecting! The doctors, social workers, therapists, and counselors tell us that trauma can happen at any time and can include anything from a fire, to a car accident, to intentional abuse children.  Although trauma caused by accidents or life events, such as a car accident, cannot always be avoided, trauma from child abuse, sex abuse, and domestic violence CAN be avoided! 

Children should NEVER have to suffer avoidable trauma! There are lots of services in this world for those who do not know how to handle their children, do not want their children, or do not know what to do when a child acts out! There are places for battered men and women to go to escape. There are people who are willing and very much so able to help. My plead to the parents of this world is PLEASE do not subject your children to traumatic events that could be avoided if you asked for help, picked up the phone and made a call, or just walked away. Children should not have to suffer because of our lack of time, laziness, or down right meanness!

Life has been crazy here the past few weeks. 

We have been dealing with tantrums, doctors visits, daycare meltdowns, tantrums, nocturnal enuresis (potty training regression for those of us who are NOT in the medical field) high heel crisis, tantrums, and of course a little "foster" sibling rivalry/jealousy! Oh and did I mention TANTRUMS?!?

Well as you can tell lots have happened since I last posted.

One Thursday, July 18th, we received yet another call that would change our lives forever. YAP (our foster parent placement agency) called to ask if we would be considered for a 1 day old baby. We of course said yes, and then I had a minor panic attack about who would watch the baby while I was a work. 

Well, that ended up being null and void as we were NOT chosen to take the baby. 

We were however called minutes (30 to be exact) later and asked if we would consider placement for a 14 year old, who is pregnant. After asking all (i thought all) the right questions; when is she due, why is she being moved, does she want the baby, how is her attitude, is she doing prenatal care, I said we would think about this. 

I called my hubby and of course got the typically "I mean I'm fine with it babe, its really up to you, IDK how we will do with a teenager, but i don't want her in a group home" response. I said a little prayer, dealt with a tantrum. And packed up Little Miss to go to her appointment. The whole drive I kept thinking about being 14 and pregnant, away from my parents, and possibly in a group home. I had conversations in my head over and over again with God and it was as if he kept telling me, JUST DO IT, STOP ARGUING WITH ME AND SAY YES. Needless to say I had this strong sense that God really wanted us to say yes. I called YAP and said I would try it but that we would need all the info.

Well Ms. A has been in our home for a week and 2 days now and things are going great. She is a typically 14 year old, only pregnant. She is extremely mature and already loves her baby very much. We are still getting to know her but things are going great and we are again so thankful that we said yes to God's calling to not only step but to jump out of our comfort zone. 

Little Miss is S-L-O-W-L-Y adjusting to not being the only child. There has definitely been some rivalry in that me and A cannot be alone together, she either has to be with us or A has to be with her. 

The tantrums have been spiraling out of control (not because of A) but we are dealing with them one at a time and Little Miss is slowly learning that she may be stubborn but I an down right bull headed and I DO NOT give in. We are not sure why the tantrums are intensifying but feel it is due to more then one thing. My hubby had to go back to seconds, so Little Miss' nightly routine was changed, A joined our family so it is no longer solely all about Little Miss, and we has a scare where we thought Little Miss was going to be moved out of our home with little to no notice which she was told about (NOT BY US) and this played a large factor in her emotions. 

The one thing I have learned about Little Miss and her tantrums is that you MUST be persistent and consistent because she does not give up and she does not forget ANYTHING you say. I will admit, I've tried the whole, tell them one thing to get what you want then change the story. That absolutely does not work because she never forgets anything. With Little Miss you MUST say what you mean, mean what you say, and STICK TO IT. 

It has been a rough couple weeks but we are making it and I am so thankful that we have the love and support behind us. 

I cannot tell you how excited I am about taking the girls to my parents house at the end of this week to hang out for the week and meet my family. I know we are going to have a great time!!